“Where will you be confined?”. This was the question the receptionist asked when I went to make an appointment to see a midwife with my first pregnancy! I think I stood there for at least 60 seconds trying to work out what exactly it was she was asking me? Eventually, I understood that she was asking me which hospital I would be going to. When I explained we were having the baby at home…. her reply, ‘Ah! This must be your first baby!’. This was not the experience I was expecting.
I didn’t have a GP and was told that I had to see a GP first, then I could see a midwife. This being my first pregnancy and never having anything to do with the medical world previously, I didn’t really know how it all worked. Living the Chiropractic lifestyle meant that I was only really used to experiencing what I would call ‘solution people’, those who thought like me! Those who had an optimistic outlook, who strive to be and do their best. People who know we live in a ‘friendly universe’ (thank you Jeanne Ohm) and those who understand that our bodies have an innate ability to heal, grow and flourish… ‘my tribe’. I was about to have a rapid learning cycle of something dramatically different.
My dear friend Hayley, the other half of ‘Hayley and Kelly’, had her first baby two years earlier. I had heard some of her personal experiences and challenges. She is part of my Chiropractic family, also has a trust in the body and always see’s the good in situations. This probably meant I was still shielded from how drastically different the world I was about to step into was from the world I was experiencing. I had this idea that all our decisions about our pregnancy and birth would be approached by midwives and doctors with the understanding that we had informed ourselves and had chosen what was best for us. I quickly learned that when you start to make informed choices there isn’t always a ‘box to tick’ for that and you start to create a level of stress and panic in those who are expected to care for you. We did not fit into the system.
It became rapidly apparent that for us to have a baby in the way we would choose was going to be difficult in the current ‘medical system’. Now, I will state very clearly here, I am in no way ‘anti-medicine’. I know in some crisis situations it will of course save lives. What I also know is that the medical model does not fit with my understanding of health or life. I see lots of challenges created that I believe could be avoided if we came more from a place of trust. This is especially so in the maternity services.
Thankfully my husband is very confident and supportive and so we decided, confidently and happily, to step out of the system and search for someone who could help and support us with the type of birth we wanted. We found an independent midwife and as they say the rest is history (well almost!).
We care for many midwives in practice and have a great deal to do with them professionally. Without doubt all the midwives we have made connections with all want to help women and the vast majority have a deep understand and great respect for natural birth. They are also stretched to capacity energetically and physically in the main which often makes their job very difficult.
Why am I sharing all this with you? Well, to explain that there really is a different way! One exceptional midwife I know has the saying, ‘peace on earth begins with birth’. Imagine how our world would look if we were able to support birth in a gentle way; without unnecessary time limits; with a constant care giver who knew the woman and her baby intimately and cared for them throughout the whole pregnancy; a midwife who knew when to seek more help and when birth just needed to be left alone; a midwife who was able to encourage from a place of trust and advise appropriately when the situation required it. A relationship between midwife, mum and baby that was based on trust! If those birthing women and their unborn babies could enter the world in this way imagine the impact that could have. A supported mum, who is nurtured and guided. A mum who healed well after a beautiful, natural birth. A baby who enters the world with minimal stress on their perfect, tiny system and was able to immediately thrive. I know there will be people reading this who did not have that experience themselves. They may have family members who did not have this experience. People reading this will care for babies in practice who did not have this experience. Too often we begin life ‘stressed’……..and that sets us up for life!
Imagine if everyone knew that we had an inbuilt ability to heal. That people knew that we were programmed for health and designed to heal. If we really trusted in our body’s inherent ability to thrive, I know people would make different health decisions. It may be baby steps at first. It may always be baby steps. Let’s remember though that many, many baby steps add up to marathons! What would happen if instead of looking externally for someone to tell us everything was OK, both in pregnancy and in health, we sat for a moment and listened to our inner voice. We trusted ourselves and believed that ‘everything is OK’? If we choose to regain our power to trust in ourselves magical things can happen!
Over the years it became apparent to both Hayley and I that we weren’t alone in wanting to choose different options for pregnancy and in raising children. We would often have messages and calls from people needing support. Questions from people knowing health is an inside job, who trust their greatness and know that they are programmed for health but who didn’t know how to support themselves. Those people didn’t have a community of likeminded people. They didn’t have people to help support their decisions. They didn’t have anyone they could reach out to, no one to ask those questions, no one to answer in ways that were congruent to their beliefs and values. This is how the community of ‘Hayley and Kelly’ was born (that, and a few espresso martini’s!). There are more people out there than you realise who believe what you believe. We are far from alone.
So, I leave you today with the question that Jeanne Ohm often posed to us; Do you believe we live in a hostile universe or a friendly one? If this can be the basis of the health decisions you make for yourself and your family you will have an excellent navigation system. With the knowledge and confidence that your body is programmed for health, and that you are designed to heal you will be able to make the best decisions for yourself and your family. Health is ALWAYS an inside job. Supporting ourselves physically, chemically and emotionally will ensure we can thrive. After all, innate is always on the job!
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